This phrase seemed self-explanatory, until my perspective began to rise beyond my point of view. Let me explain & shed light on the insight I have come to grasp within myself, beyond my horizon.
Same as every single child, I did not know how to make sense of the world around me. I was tiny, insignificant, terrified of everything and everyone. All I hoped was that one day I would be bigger, I would be more significant, less terrified & less anxious as I learned to make sense of this world. I hoped that if I just held on long enough, I would grow up & find my place in this ocean of radiation. All I knew was that I was vulnerable, to almost everything that moved. It was a literal nightmare.
Before I was convinced, before I was manipulated to see things differently, I saw that everyone was hurting each other, everyone was suffering, everyone lost sight of who they could be. History didn't make sense because the "heroes," to me felt like the most savage of all, the bullies, the dark.
Everywhere I looked, I saw examples of different versions of me. I was too young to be convinced of the "common sense" that I was a mere individual. I didn't know yet that I wasn't allowed to see the world this way, observe it in this way, in a way others lost the ability to grasp. Every creature, from the smallest to the largest of every species known and unknown, all felt like a different past version of me. Consciousness itself, fractured and divided. I noticed the more any form of life lost sight of the "big picture," that we are all one, the more dark & the more "rotten" their light became & the smaller their world felt, like their light was trapped in a dark vice closing in on itself. I felt like all the toys, shiny things, roles and unnatural objectives were simply distractions, coping methods.
I didn't know it at the time but this was my unfiltered and pure preconceptions of nature and the physics of consciousness itself. It was who I was, before I was manipulated and pressured to dim my insight. And the only reason I know this now is because my preconceptions were corrupted by the nature of my subjective environment. The peer pressure by those I most feared, those most blind to the bigger picture of life. The darkest and most self-centered. Those elevated to greater security by the culture & society around me, who lowered my value. Unless I chose to get in line,
I was convinced growing up was a sense of security that I could never achieve or grasp with my own preconceptions, with my unfiltered perspective of brightness and darkness. So I got in line, surrendering my mind. I lost my sense of empowerment and my will to question... everything. Do what you're told, listen to your elders, suppress what makes you unique and stop thinking about it.
So I did. I fell in line. I stopped thinking, stopped dreaming, stopped trying to solve the nature of the world around me & began to memorize what others have determined to be true. Smart, What was right. Was possible. Was natural. Safe. I memorized answers, because no one cared about understanding the depths and foundational nature of the questions. All anyone cared about was their own shallow self-interest, their own self-satisfaction, and my view of the world was counter to everything they deemed to be in their self-interest, So what was the point of wasting my time thinking for myself? The consequences were terrifying because anyone who challenges common sense of any time and any place suffers irreparably and unimaginably. So I fell in line. I gave up.
And that my dear reader is the moment I began to stop evolving. That is the nexus event that lead to the fracturing of my sense of objective nature, within myself. My compass was now broken, I became susceptible to manipulation, to peer pressure. My sense of right and wrong was no longer mine. From that point, 95% of the nature of my "reality" was what others determined before my time. I lost before I began to even live my life, my inner-sense began to fade with my inner-light.
My mind, a beautiful internal ecosystem began to lose balance as I began to lose focus of the foundations of life itself, of my own natural preconceptions I held before I knew to grasp them.
I had to learn to grow up. I had to learn to feel more secure. I knew I couldn't survive a lifetime of feeling the way I was made to feel by the dark pressures swirling around me, pulling downward. Pulling all the other versions of me with an open mind and an open heart, down. I saw what the world did to those like me, the visionaries. I knew the world was wrong, I knew my environment was unhealthy, taking pieces of my soul with them with every ounce of abuse they called my "life experience." They called it "making fun." And it took growing up to understand the depths of why.
With every form of stereotype, label and ability to dehumanize anything that felt unfamiliar, that felt counter to their inflated and unnatural self-esteem, the line between normal and what is right blurred and softened. I had to choose to either mock hypocrisy, or blind myself to the nature of it.
I was forced as a child to choose my sense of belonging, or my own sense of judgment & who I felt I could be if left to my own conceptual evolution. That's what/who I wanted to be when I grew up. How could I answer honestly when asked about my dreams, when I was too young to make sense of what they meant? Because if I had my answer would be to challenge the foundations of thought.
The way I interpreted growing up was understanding the nature of the world, of life and of each life within. That was my dream. Understanding why. Finding order to the disorder I could sense everywhere I looked. My dream was indescribable because it was beyond their imagination, and anything I could faithfully describe, paint or turn into art. But that leaves only one bright option.
To encompass the growth that people can't see with the naked eye. Value they can't measure or purchase, trade or barter for, yet. Something that made every ounce of pain I had to face, every moment of suffering and despair spontaneously combust, triggering growth in ways I had lost hope of achieving. An internal light beyond any degree, like harnessing the power of infinite suns.
The immeasurable growth that has mystified every single culture and society throughout time, and once we see it we can begin to understand that true fortune lies within the evolution of our perspective & what we choose to do with it, why.. once we open our minds to our own principles.
It doesn't matter the identity, what matters is the ability to grasp what matters and what doesn't within, below the surface. The variables only change our angle of the world, the depth of our insight into that point of view is what defines the brightness of any perspective. The sexual identities don't matter, the labels, the sub-groups. The jobs don't matter, the education, the trophies and all the ridiculous shallow physical competitions and pageantry, it's all about the depth of the experience and the height of the evolution of that insightful philosophy buried within.
We are told to define ourselves by our subjective values others can relate to, as opposed to the depth of relativity that most people blind themselves to for the sake of their own shallow self-interest and sense of belonging. We are told to define ourselves by the value others determine, out of their self interest as a way to manipulate our own sense of empowerment for themselves, over our own ability to grow and adapt and evolve, and our very ability to redefine our entire lives.
This is who you are, what you are, and these are your options. That is all that life is, for most. We have one chance at being... extraordinary. And we are all pressured to look up to ordinary, causing the brightest young open minds to question their own preconceptions and foundations of reality.
Growing up has more to do with growing in, enlightening your own perspective & rising anew. Beyond the lowered expectations of the darkness that pushed you into the vice tightening and straining your mind, your bright expectations which felt more real than where you find yourself today. Who you see when you look in the mirror, and the influences around you sad, suffering.
Welcome to your nightmare, the version of you that gave up on what made you special. The depth of brightness that made you feel alive. The thirst for life, the sense of growth, of fulfillment you not only expected but you counted on when you were convinced it was within your power.
Well, it still is. If you learn to grasp it for yourself, open your mind for yourself and think for yourself. It is time to grow inward, upward and onward by evolving your own philosophy, principles and values. Search inward and begin your journey of self-discovery, today.
Rise & Shine